Ok so this blog sounds like it could be about one topic in particular. But it’s not about that. It’s definitely not (although it’s definitely ok to wait for that!). In fact when you think about it, it can be used to refer to lots of things. And it’s definitely ok to wait, to not rush into things. Whatever these things may be. It’s gotta feel right.
In this blog post I’m going to talk about why it’s ok not to rush into getting married.
So I better give a bit of a back story. I’ve been with my fella now for over 11 years. When we met I was just 17, living at home and still at college. He was also living at home at the time, working a full time job. He was 22. Fast forward a few years, everyone we knew was getting engaged. We were going to weddings left, right and centre. Some of them his friends, some of them mine.
I’m not going to lie, when people announced their engagement, as they do in these modern times, on Facebook, my heart would sink. Of course I would be happy for my friends, but at the same time I would feel a pang of jealousy inside me. Why couldn’t it be me? The hardest thing I found was that me and my fella had been together longer than most people getting engaged, so it felt we should get engaged before them. Obviously it’s not a competition, but in some kind of weird way it felt like it was.
Every birthday, every Christmas, every anniversary, the hope that he would propose would be there. As the years went on people would say ‘oooohhh do you think he might pop the question?’ And I would say no, but obviously hope inside my little head that he would. Sometimes I would convince myself he would. And then he didn’t. And my heart would be broken. I hated the way I got my hopes up. It often ruined what should be special occasions because of the disappointment I felt because he hadn’t proposed. Plus it must have been hard for him to see how sad I felt sometimes. He assured me he loved me and wanted to be with me. He assured me he would propose when ‘the time was right’. But when would he ever think the time was right? What did I need to do?
Looking back now I feel silly for saying this but it happened. Him not proposing affected my mental health. Without going into too much detail this is something I have battled on an off with for a little while. And this issue was something that was really getting to me. I don’t think it was the actual wedding day I was so desperate to have (although I did already have some of that planned in my head!), but him actually proposing and finally having that commitment from him that I so desperately craved.
Fast forward to a random Sunday in chilly January 2015. He had told me he was taking me away for the night because I was a bit stressed out about going back to school. I didn’t return to school to the Tuesday so was able to have a night away. He didn’t tell me where we were going. Once I had packed in a hurry, we got into the car. He programmed the sat nav but wouldn’t let me see where we would be going. A few hours later we arrived at a familiar place – Malmaison in Oxford. A year an a bit earlier we had spent an anniversary here. An amazing time was had at the time, although I had spent some of the journey home crying because I had really got my hopes up that time and he hadn’t proposed. Anyway, back to the story. Once we arrived, I was ready to chill in the room. However he insisted we went for a walk. Not typical behaviour from him, but I went along with it. He wanted us to find a park he’d heard was lovely to see. So we walked around chilly Oxford, with my covering my ears because I was so cold. We got to the park and it was closed. He insisted we found another way in but we just couldn’t. I was slightly confused about his obsession with this park, but continued to go along with it. As there was no way in, he decided it was back to the hotel. I was pretty relieved because I was freezing! Once back there, he wanted to walk round the hotel. More walking?! I was ready for a hot chocokate by now. If you don’t know the mal in Oxford, it’s a converted prison and has a little museum attached. We found some brickwork with pretty lights that I had remembered from our last visit. Now he was really starting to behave strangely. Just walking around this small area continuously whilst I stood still. During the last few hours in my head I must admit I was questioning if today would finally be the day. But I had thought this so many times before, so had told myself that it wasn’t going to happen and not to get my hopes us to avoid disappointment. And then he did it! Got down on one leg, with a little wobble because of his bad knee, and proposed! I was in a state of shock. And relief. And excitement. So many emotions, but no tears which I had fully expected! Now it was my time to tell everyone that we were engaged. Everyone was so pleased as they knew how much I wanted it, and most said ‘at last!’.
So I instantly threw myself into wedding planning mode. After all, I already had a wedding Pinterest board and knew my colour plan! I’d taken lots of ideas and snippets from other people’s weddings of what I wanted to do. After all, I had been to enough! And then, around 14 months after he proposed, we finally tied the knot. The most amazing day, even better than I had planned in my head.
Now the title of this post is about it being ok to wait to get married. From reading my essay (yes sorry it’s so long and well done for getting to here you amazing reader!), you’ll see I was desperate to marry my man. But looking back, I can completely see why he waited. For a large chunk of our relationship we were both still living at home. I was studying and then getting a job which took time. We didn’t move in together until we had been together for 7 years. Then we rented for a while before finally buying a house 2 or so years later. And then 3 months after that he proposed. So he was just waiting until we had our own house and we were both on the career ladder with money coming in. He’s ruled by his head and I’m ruled by my heart and that works for us. I’m so happy to be married to the love of my life and be able to call him my husband. A time I’ve waited forever for but now realise that everything happens when the time is right. For some people it may just be a short space of time, and for others it just takes a little longer. If it’s something you want, you’ve just gotta have faith.
So how long did you wait to get married? Or are you still waiting? Feel free to comment below.
Until next time…